Gay Girl (Bleeding Wounds)

Disclaimer: My name is Hafeleni, and I'm not afraid to associate myself with the LGBTQ community. Since my love for you is true, unbridled, and unashamed, I am not afraid to talk to you, even about the hard things. Now, since I hold you dearly in my heart—not with treacherous or ill intent, but with overwhelming compassion, so much that I don't cease to pray for you daily—I humbly request your audience.

Do you remember when you were young? Little girl, you were only but a child, blooming and twirling like a flower in the field. Unrestrained laughter, your being wrapped up in passionate freedom like the birds in the skies. You'd command attention and innocently demand we listen to your song. But your carefree days would be cut short; your feminine tenderness was ripped to shreds that day when he raped you. Your vulnerability was taken for weakness, and your beauty was seen as an object, exploited to satisfy a lustful and selfish desire.

Ever since that day, you have never been the same. A dark cloud hung over you, many tears that you shed in the silent dark. When the sun came up, you put on a smile. Only God knows the amount of pain you hid behind that smile. You tried to shake it off and move on, but the grip only grew stronger. Shame slipped in and accused you of being irresponsible, whispers in your ears asking why you didn't scream, why you didn't cry out for help, and why you didn't even speak about it after it happened if it really broke your heart. But you were only but a child; you were afraid of what they would say. It's a taboo to say these things out loud where you come from. This silent pain turned into resentment and hate, and you promised yourself that something like that would never happen again. You refused to wear anything that revealed your femininity; you wore baggy clothes, like a boy.

You refused to be anything that is vulnerable; unknowingly, your mind and body were putting up a defensive wall. You dreaded the idea of ever liking a boy, you shunned it. Some days, your hormones would kick in, and since the boys were "a source of pain," you instead looked at the girls. And just like that, it felt like a match made in heaven, like it would last forever, only that it didn't. It was just vapour gone with the wind, a promise to fulfill your dearest longing but couldn't really deliver the satisfaction that you desperately ached for. But it wouldn't leave you the same; the first place you found safety and love shaped your identity: gay, a lesbian girl. You found everything on the internet to validate how you felt. You should've asked God, who created you instead, to help you understand the dilemma, the storm that was brewing inside you, but you didn't.

On some quiet nights, the war still rages in your soul: am I a girl, am I a boy, am I both? Troubled waters hold your heart, like a violent storm beating against a ship, the streets have no chill. But Jesus Christ? Please let Him speak to your storm. Only then will you have peace. Humility isn't weakness, it isn't that bad either, but oh my goodness, pride. It's a lot of work pretending, and eventually you just get tired. You're just a girl.

Bleeding wounds, your wounds still bleed. An aching in your heart, a deep lying longing yearning to be fulfilled. And all the affairs you've had only left you more broken, lonesome. Arrows that pierced your heart, you laid there bruised and no one showed you pity. Pain can make the heart grow cold, it can make you an animal, savage like a monster, #forTheStreets but baby dont tread those places, coz that's not you.

You don't feel beautiful, you've been told a lie for too long, and now you believe it. But lemme tell you the truth. You are too close to yourself to see it so take it from me. I think I see you more clear than you. You're beautiful, oh yes you are. Eternal beauty flowing through your soul, it makes the rose blush for shame. You are the crown of God's creation, we'll go heads over heels for you, even fight wars for you. But more than anything, God loves you deeply. his heart breaks for you. I would not be writing you if it wasn't so.

There's healing for your trauma In the presence of Jesus, and you can trust him because his love is true, like an arrow, his pursuit for you is unrelenting, and his devotion unto you undaunting,  he will never leave you nor forsake you when you let him be your all in all. There's safety in his presence, and you'll learn that he's everything you've truly been seeking for. You shouldn't walk about confused about who you are, spend time with Jesus and he will tell you who you truly are, he will also tell you what you were born for. So come, oh little child, please come.

Drink from the waters little doe, drink from this living waters and you will never thirst again. Taste and see that the Lord is good. Every demon that torments you in the dark will flee when you come in his presence, in Jesus name. Old mindsets will melt, like sun against the snow. You will become altogether new, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.

Feelings and emotions can be deep, but they can be very misleading aswell, but the truth is a compass, it is unwavering and dependable, when days are stormy it anchors the soul. Now let me show you the true "happily ever after". Jesus Christ, Son of the one and only true God. The Royal Prince who is friends with the commoners, the Servant King who's great delight is our welfare, tending our wounds though it meant that he must be bruised. He took the bullet so you and I can live, he set himself on fire so we can be warm. He thought himself of no reputation in order to reach you, coz he thinks you are special. Even though he is rich, even with his 99 friends, he still feels poor without you. For real.

Oh maiden child, daughter of my people. Please don't harden your heart, do not reject the Truth, the truth will set you free. Like salt water, the truth hurts, but like salt water the Truth will heal your wounds.

Yours Truly: Jesus, I'm just a messenger.