Love Letters: Dear Kavee

It's no coincidence the day that God ordained, even way before we met.

I could have walked away and left, but to leave you in the dirt would have left me with regrets.

When I saw you, I knew I had to talk to you, but getting to you was gonna be a lot of fuss, by the time I said "hi", you already had your mean mug on.

I endured the shame and the scorn, I've grown to learn that sometimes pain takes on such forms.

You asked if it was about God and all, and of course, I said no. I know well enough you'd dismiss me in the first stance for the fear of being judged. You've probably been judged enough, and that's really not my place.

To reach your heart I had to evade all the presumptions, misinterpretations and misguided perceptions that you have about God and the stigma you hold towards those that he sends . Unfortunately, not all of us who claim allegiance to God truly display his heart, and I must therefore navigate this terrain with great caution like a soldier in a field full of landmines, solely depending on sheer instincts, the guiding whispers of the spirit of the living God in order to cross over into the uncharted regions of your heart.

The resistance I faced was just a wall I had to break. I pressed on, relentlessly until I heard something snap, then I saw a smile on your face and then I saw the walls fall.

At this point, our conversation was hitting high notes, and flowing like the Ruacana falls on a rainy day. We were cracking and all, like we've known each other for years. Its not so strange. After all, we were both formed by the same hands.

The razor blade scars on your wrist tell a sad tale, a shattered heart you once held as a young girl. As you hesitantly narrate about your life, your true self starts to emerge from the shadows, and though you have your tomboy swag and your masculine grit on, your feminine side now emerges, surprisingly dominant. "I'm just a girl", oh my goodness, I didn't see that coming. Anyway, that's a conversation for another day.

I shared with you my story of how I dwelt in the dark, in the shadows of the valley of death, how for many years I've been a prisoner to sinister forces, tormented, and driven to the edge, and how Jesus Christ intervened and drew me out of that terrible pit. As I spoke, the spirit of God richly saturated the space, so much that it felt like the first time when he came to save me. Inside, I am desperately hoping he's doing the same for you.

You asked if I go to church, you were surprised that I actually do. You claimed I don't speak like someone who goes to church. Of course, I wasn't born in church, and I am only human like you. Anyway, I have no ambitions of becoming "churchy". Godly? Yes.

You sent me a message later on, "Thanks for the message dude, I appreciate it🥺"

I have no idea what it all meant to you but a few weeks later (maybe two), word reached my ears that your mom passed on.

Some things are too hard to grasp, and too painful to comprehend. I wondered, was this why God had me cross roads with you? To share with you how you're precious in his eyes, to tell you that you're the apple of his eyes even though you're far off, to bring his love for you and his presence into the realm of your being so that you wouldn't spin out when the day of calamity arrived.

I don't understand why such things happen, but I know God is good regardless, and he works out all things for good for all those that trust him.

And this, also this I know, that he is close to the broken and comforts those who mourn.

It's okay to cry, so cry Kavee, if you have to cry, but before you lay you down to sleep, sing along to this lullaby.

"When the darkness and the weight of sorrow fall upon me, when I lie by this desert road, thirsty, wounded, broken, destitute, and alone. When my father is no where to be found, when my dear mother, whom I dearly love is no more, when she's gone, never to return. Then I will turn to God, and he will take care of me, he will bring me in and spread his arms around me to shelter me, yes my God will hold me and comfort me, even this broken heart. He will be both my father and mother, to raise me and love me.

When the sorrows of sheol surround me, when the snares of death confront me, in my distress I will call upon the Lord and he will hear from his holy place. He will send from above and draw me out of many waters. His presence will encompass me, and his peace will make me strong. He will deliver me from my strong enemy, my foe who is stronger than me, and I will lay me down to sleep without fear.

Hush, hush oh my soul hush. Be quiet within me and lean onto the Lord, who is also your God. For though your cuts are deep, and your sorrows many, your broken wings will heal one day, yes, they will fly one day.

Kavee, so much I want so say, but it's okay for now. I hope you're well where ever you are, hope to see you again.

Yours truly: Hafeleni